Kelley Miller Artworks

one little word...

2012-01-08T22:15:00.000-05:00

One Little Word. Can it change your life? Can it change the way you view your life? Evidently the answer is YES. Yes it can.

I have heard of this trend, program, exercise, whatever you want to call it for a few years now. For some people you choose a word, and for a few, the word chooses you. And you apply it to your life in a way that transforms the way you use it and see it, and in turn see the world and live your life. One such class is offered by Ali Edwards at Big Picture Classes fittingly called "One Little Word". You can read about it here.

This year I decided it would be a good thing for me to participate. I signed up for the class having not yet chosen a word. I had a few bouncing around in my head, but nothing was resonating. I prayed about it, and wrote them down, and said them out loud. But one in particular kept coming back to me. It isnt romantic, or pretty, or poetic, or any of the things that I hoped it would be. But it is the word that needs to be part of my life now and for the next year.

My One Little Word is "Forward".

If any of you have read my blog, then you know that I have been suffering from a pretty debilitating depression. A big part of that Depression is from my tendency to look back and see what it is I dont have any more. Whether by my own choices or things that have happened to me...I just dont have them anymore. And I carry a lot of regret and shame for that...and sadness and anger too. That is a great recipe for Depression. But its time to move on. Its time to stop looking back and start looking forward and just be whoever im going to be and live this new life that I have to live.

We all look for confirmation in our lives for the choices we make. And this time wasnt any different for me. And I got the biggest most beautiful confirmation that "Forward" was the right choice for me.

I had just chosen my word and I went out on my deck to grab a breath of fresh crisp winter air. As soon as I opened the door and stepped out onto the deck, a large flock of geese flew directly overhead. I just gasped. That is just not something you see in Southern California where I grew up. They were so Glorious and United. But more importantly they knew exactly where they were going, they knew exactly how to get there...no looking back. They were doing exactly what they were created to do. Going forward to the next chapter and cycle and season of their life. They don't question, they just do.

So here I am. Flying to the next chapter...the next cycle and season of my life. And Im just going to do what my Creator created me to do while Im on this earth. Im not entirely sure what that fully entails. But I do know that it does include making Art. Its how I express myself best...so of course I had to create to honor my word.

I have had this canvas sitting around for many months. I have even shown progress pics of it here on my blog. But, I just couldnt figure out how to finish it, or the words that it needed. And now I know why. It was meant for this project, for this moment, for this "One Little Word". While it doesn't say my 'word', it does express what the word means to me, what the geese illustrated to me.

I am associated with a great group of artistic souls that are also revealing their Words as well. We call ourselves The "FlyTribe". So I invite you to join my FlyTribe as we all announce or Word for the year. We are having a blog word hop today. The list is posted on our group site and we hope you enjoy reading about our words. Just click the pic below to take you there.

Thank you for joining me here and reading about my struggles and victories, and taking the time to comment, and always being such an encouragement to me. It means more that you will ever know.

I hope that this New Year brings you all you hope for. And that you too can move "Forward" with all that this life has for you.....

Love and Blessings...Kelley

love....

2011-12-19T18:53:00.000-05:00

This week for the Holiday Paint Out, the theme is "Love". I know that its Winter, but I needed a boost of color today, so that, coupled with love, made me feel like painting a flower. So.....Today, I choose a Daisy....Today, I choose Love.....

I hope you too, choose love today and everyday......

Kelley xo

joy....

2011-12-12T21:40:00.000-05:00

Im just so thankful these days for how the Lord is showing me how to find Joy in every circumstance. He has been sending me such wonderful new friends, has blessed me with a great new church, and I'm feeling more hopeful that I have in a very, very long time. I am so, so Blessed. So for the Holiday Paint Out this week, I chose Joyful Colors, and just enjoyed the process of layering!!

It is my hope that you too, can find joy wherever you are, and whatever your circumstance....

Kelley xo

peace.....

2011-12-05T16:35:00.000-05:00

If some of you read my previous post, then you know that it has been a long time since I have felt the inspiration to create. Today I actually slapped paint on the canvas, finished a piece for the Holiday Paint Out, and got two backgrounds started on the pieces Im creating for my own walls that I talked about here. Woo Hoo!!

As far as an Update, Im feeling better. I have a familial/genetic Depression. Not the kind that comes and goes with circumstance, although it can exacerbate it. But its just part of who I am and it always will be. I do not have the right chemicals in my brain, and I require meds to facilitate them. There is no shame in this, it just is what it is. I have just found myself in a place that I did not have access to meds, and had to go off them for awhile because of that. But because of some awesome people in my life and a lot of prayer for doors to open, I have been able to get some low cost meds...finally. I honestly wasnt sure how I was going to get through the holidays without them. So it has been a week and Im adjusting.....which isnt fun. But I do feel a bit better. And Im better enough to paint. So I sit here typing with my paint apron on, and paint covered hands, feeling so, so thankful that I have a bit of inspiration back.

Here is my submission for the Holiday Paint Out sponsored by Creative Catalyst. The theme this week was "Peace". How fitting for the time of year. But I didnt go that way with this. I just felt like using a lot of color and almost doing a street/graffiti sort of thing. So I did!! I made a similar piece for my daughters room a few years ago, and wanted to revisit that.

I find myself seeking peace lately. From the vicious cycle of have to's, and should of's and all the things that dont let my mind rest. I want to find peace in the chaos that is in my mind and heart lately. So this is my twist on that. Happy flower silhouettes, whimsical brushstrokes, cheerful colors and the all too familiar peace sign I love so much, help to bring me a little peace as I navigate my way out of this Depression!

Hope your are seeking peace today and always.....

Kelley xo

art everyday - 30

2011-11-30T20:06:00.000-05:00

I havent been creating. Its bad, I know. It makes me sad that I havent been creating. But the desire has been sucked away by a not so little monster called depression. It snuck up on me about halfway through AEDM and left me standing there without my paintbrush, or any inspiraton. I know its hard to read about stuff like this. But if Im going to be real....if Im going to be authentic...then this is me being real and authentic. So I wont be offended if you just want to stop reading now....I hope you dont, but if you need to not read this, then go ahead.....

Depression is a funny thing. Sometimes its a great catalyst for Art, for Creating beauty out of hopelessness...I find that a lot of what I create comes out of a place of great angst. Ive often said that I dont understand why my art isnt all dark and gloomy and sad. I guess it's just that little place inside me, that place that still has some hope, screaming for its spot....just trying to be heard.

Lately tho there has been no desire to even pick up the paintbrush. My brain is mush, my heart is a bit numb. And Im having a really tough time finding any inspiration. There are glimpses, phrases I have written down, fleeting images that I know need to be put on the canvas. But right now it just feels so hard to even think about picking up the paintbrush, squeezing out the paint, and slapping it on the canvas.....not to mention the clean-up afterwards. So there they sit, there I sit with nothing....just empty canvases, both figuratively and literally.......

"Signpost" ©Kelley Miller

I am at a crossroads, with very blurry signposts.... And Im trying to decipher what they are saying. I do know tho that I have to be this thing called an Artist, I have to embrace it, I have to just decide that its who I am, no matter where I am living, who I am with, or how I am feeling, or where the road takes me. Remarkably the depression has actually facilitated this. It has made me stop dead in my tracks and take a good long look at who I really am, what I believe, and what I really want. I dont honestly know if I will ever get to be a nurse again. The one thing I worked for with all my heart mind and soul...and its not there anymore, and may never be. It breaks my heart.

There are so many other things that arent ever going to be what they were. So then now what?


"Heart in my Hands" ©Kelley Miller

I guess I just stand with my heart in my hands, trying not to look back and praying, praying, praying that the blurry signpost will become clear.....because right now it just isnt...

I hope for all of you that you find clarity wherever the road leads you.....

Kelley xo

art everyday - 18

2011-11-18T17:17:00.000-05:00

After an internet meltdown due to a storm and a goofy router, and a bout with a 4 day migraine, I have been able to finally create again. Felt so great getting back to it after so long.

I was able to get some more work done on my "Winter" ATC's for a swap coming up. That little snowman is a stinker, and has given me a fair amount of grief. But I think we have made up, and we are both smiling now :)

Im going to admit something to you now. My living situation is not something I want to become permanent. At one time I had hoped it would, but it has not worked out the way I had hoped. And because of that I haven't really put down any roots here. I haven't been able to just dig in, and settle in, and make it my own. Because of that, I dont have any artwork on my walls....zero, zilch, nada. Tell me, what kind of Artist has nothing on their walls? Anyway, all of my things are still 2500 miles away sitting in storage. The plan was to ship them out here when I got "settled". Well the settled feeling never occured and that left me without things for my walls. Back home, I have all sorts of great stuff like Artist prints, vintage goodness, wreaths, candle sconces.....you get the picture. But now it looks like its going to take me quite awhile to get back home. So now I have to aquire or create a few things to make me feel like this is home for now. After beating myself up for the last year and a half for the stupid decisions I made, I am finally feeling like it would be an okay thing to have surroundings that make me smile, and are inspiring, and colorful :)

So today I began to build 3 canvases just for myself. What they will become, I dont know. But I recently acquired some vintage wallpaper that I wanted to use, so I treated myself to that. The color isnt there yet, but I have big plans to add a lot. Im going to paint myself 3 big reminders to live my life now. Im done waiting for what it's "supposed" to become. And I'm ready to embrace what it is....

Hope you too, are surrounding yourself with a life that inspires you....

Kelley xo

art everyday - 13

2011-11-13T16:08:00.000-05:00

I have recently had the pleasure to be participating with my Awesome "Fly Tribe" on an ATC Swap. For those of you unfamiliar with ATC's (Artist Trading Cards), they are little 2.5 inch x 3.5 inch cards that have original artwork on them. It provides a way for anyone to own original Artwork. And what better than to own it than from people you care for and admire. In our trades we each make three ATC's, and each get three back. Our first Swap had a flying theme to commemorate our awesome "Flying Lessons" group. And the one we are currently doing has a "Winter" theme. I have been working on those cards today. Here is a sneak peek:

The aren't quite done yet, but they are just so fun to work on, I'm sort of savoring the process!

In other news, I got a bit of shopping done today. For me thats a big deal, because I DO NOT LIKE TO SHOP!!! But, when coupons are involved, and I can get Acorn & Fig Wallflowers for 75% off....Im there ;) I also scored at The Gap outlet. Its that time of year to break out the scarves, gloves and down vests, and only after one season here I wanted to add to my "Bundling Options". That's one of the things I love most about living in this part of the country....The Bundling Up!!

Hope your day is filled with wonderful Autumn Scents, and lots of Bundling Up!

Kelley xo

art everyday - 11

2011-11-11T16:11:00.000-05:00

Today Ive made a bit of progress on this piece that I previously posted about here and here..... I added a bit more texture to the tree, inked in the cage, and gave my little birdie some color.

I wish you could see it in this scan, but I used a bit of iridescent gold in the tree and a bit on the birdie....truly magical in real life :)

I have a phrase for this that came to me the other night, and it literally brought me to tears with the truth that the words held for me. Now my hope is to just get the phrasing right so it makes sense. I tend to over state and over complicate....but this one needs to be simple. So right now I'm pondering that....

Hope your day is filled with many open doors and wide open skies....

Kelley xo

art everyday - 9

2011-11-09T23:11:00.003-05:00

Today is going to be little tutorial on how to make your own Glimmer Mists. Glimmer mists have become increasingly popular lately, especially in Art Journaling. But they can get expensive, sometimes up to 5 or more dollars per mist. So when I happened upon this video on how to make them yourself, I decided to give it a go.

Supplies you will need:

Spray Bottles: I found mine at the dollar store in a pack that had 2 bottles. One had a squirt top, the other had a spray top. Still, they were only a dollar for the 2.

Craft Paint: I bought these at Walmart for 1.00 each, but I know with a good sale or coupons they can be found for less. I bought 4 regular colors, and 2 that were metallic to emulate the "glimmer".

Distilled Water: Some research I did says this is the best water to use, as it keeps the paint from spoiling.

Rubbing Alcohol: This is used to help the paint dry more quickly.

Perfect pearls: You can add a "paint brush dip amount" into the regular paint bottles to make it a glimmer paint if desired.

The Recipe:

Fill the bottle 3/4 full with the Water. Add a splash of alcohol, and a good squeeze or two of paint. The more paint you add the more opaque your spray will be. Give it a good shake and let the painting fun begin :).

Here are a few examples of some of the sprays in action. I sprayed on Gessoed pages of my Art Journal using some masking stencils.....

Blue Metallic

Regular Pink


	Green/Gold Metallic- I ended up adding a bit more paint to this one to heighten the color

Although the glimmer isnt apparent in the pictures it is very apparent in person, sorry that the camera couldnt pick that up.

Remember that overspray will occur, so protect the surfaces you don't want paint on. I didnt do that initially and my phone was a lovely shade of sparkly blue ;)

Overall I spent 13.50 to make 6 paints. I could maybe buy 2-3 ready made sprays for that price. Plus I can make more because I already have the paint. So at 2.25 per paint I think overall, this was a great deal!!

I hope you give this a try and make some. And if you do, come back and share what you think.

I hope your day is filled with lots of glimmery goodness!!

Kelley xo

art everyday - 7

2011-11-07T17:40:00.000-05:00

I cant draw, which is why I rarely sketch...but, I was going nuts laying on the sofa, trying to combat whatever this bug is. I was unable to nap and feeling a bit restless, because I feel as though if I give up on creating everyday, I wont keep going. So I drug my pounding head into my Art Room, and scrounged up my neglected sketch pad and a charcoal pencil. Remembering my post from yesterday, and the beautiful flowers in my new Blue Ball Jar, I decided to give it a go.....

Will it find its way to a canvas someday? I'd like to think so. In the mean time please be kind to this Artist that can't draw....I am sick after all ;)

Hope your day is filled with lovely sketches of things that make you smile.....

Kelley xo

art everyday - 6

2011-11-06T19:05:00.000-05:00

Today wasnt much of a Art Room day. But I found a few things that I hope will help "create" an Art Space I'm inspired to work in. Although I'm still feeling "puny", I had to get some grocery shopping done. But the best thing about grocery shopping is that there is an Antique Mall right next door....so I drug my puny self over there in search of shelving for all my Art Space, hoping to find something unique to put my printer and all my Art and packing supplies on. I found something a bit out of the ordinary, but oh so yummy.....

I know it doesnt look like much here, but this is a four shelf unit that stands about 6ft tall and is about 4 ft. wide. My best guess is it was used in a restaurant for storage of some sort. But it is all sorts of chippy, shabby, rusted goodness, yet still very sturdy. Major Score!! And the best part, it was only $25.00....yeppers! Feel pretty good about that one :)

I have also been collecting Mason Jars, and found a couple that were pretty cool. A pretty blue "Ball" one and an older "Hazel Atlas" one with a great rusty lid and mechanism!

I filled the blue one with some flowers to brighten up my Art Space.....

Hope your day was filled with creating things that make you smile, and that you are all happy and healthy.....

Kelley xo

art everyday - 5

2011-11-05T15:13:00.000-04:00

Even though I'm feeling puny today (what my father in law used to call feeling sick), managed to get some progress made on this piece. I built the tree up with some tissue paper and matte medium. Can I say how much I love using this stuff?!! I do not know where I got it or how it showed up in my Art supplies. But I love it!! It's Dress pattern Paper without the patterns on it. It's just brown tissue paper, But its so fun to work with and layer. Very simple, but Ive always preferred simple.....

Now I'm off to wrap up in my Down throw which I love, drink some tea, and maybe catch up on some Dexter. Almost done with Season 5, and then I can watch this Season that's waiting for me on my DVR....

Hope your day is filled with warmth that surrounds you like a down blanket, and of course lots of Artsy goodness.

Kelley xo

art everyday - 4

2011-11-04T15:14:00.001-04:00

Although Im not feeling like creating today, feeling overwhelmed and a bit sad, I created anyway. I had an assignment for a class I'm taking with Paulette Insall for the Divine Sisterhood class. Today we were supposed to fingerpaint with our eyes closed, in order to sense what God wants you to create. For a control freak like me, this was very hard. But I did it. I do know that I chose a lot of cool colors, yet the yellow is peeking through. Not sure what it means yet. I dont see any images in it yet. But I have faith that all that will become apparent someday soon.....

And the cool by-product of fingerpainting is:

Hope you all have an artfully-delicious day......

Kelley XO

art everyday - 3

2011-11-03T18:22:00.002-04:00

Today was an Art Journal Day again. I created this as a companion to a Study I'm participating in with the Book "Captivating, Unveiling the mystery of a Womans Soul". Its all ready to capture my thoughts and feelings......

Hope you all have a fabulously Art filled Day!!

art everyday #1 and #2....

2011-11-02T15:51:00.023-04:00

Hey Everyone. Today's post is my leap into Art Everyday Month! I will be posting Art I worked on a bit yesterday, and today. Yesterday I wanted to leave dedicated to the Fabulous Blog Hop I was part of that you can see here. So today is a Two-fer!!

The first art is a sketch I made on Canvas. Normally I dont sketch, I just go for it, but this one has a few intricacies that I needed to map out. I have been led recently to do a lot of birdcages. Mostly the birds have been hanging around their cages. But not anymore. With the recent blog hop and all the inspiration from my Flying Lessons Sisters, I have been inspired to leave the cage and fly.....personally, spiritually, and artistically. So here is the beginning of that.....

I am also taking part in an Awesome Study of the Book "Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul". Along with the Study, I am venturing into the world of Art Journaling. Hers is my first page for that. As a bit of an obsessive perfectionist with my Art, this is very scary territory, but very freeing. I loved creating my first page. It is created with magazine phrases, oil pastels, acrylics, alcohol, gel pen, and ink pen. Huge learning curve with this one, but it was very liberating just creating to create. So Fun!!!

So that's my entries for Days 1 and 2 of AEDM. Check out the website if you would like to get more info or participate.

I cant wait to see what everyone else is Creating. It always so Inspiring!!

Lots of Love and Artsy Goodness, Kelley

flying lessons....

2011-11-01T01:07:00.000-04:00

I have recently learned to Fly. I'm not talking about the traditional flying, as in the air, in an Airplane. Although I dare say what I have experienced has taken me to heights farther than any Airplane could have. It has been a flight of Heart, Soul and Creative Spirit.

Original Artwork by Kelly Rae Roberts proudly owned by Me

Last July I began taking a course from the Artist Kelly Rae Roberts. In a very short 5 years she has catapulted herself to greatness in the Art community. She is well respected, well loved, and oh so very talented. So when she offered a class with all the info on how she managed to do what she has done, I jumped on it. The class is called "Flying Lessons: Tips and tricks to help your Creative Business Soar". It was an amazing class. I learned, and continue learning so much about how to start and grow my little Art business. But the best component by far has been the Facebook group that Kelly Rae started for us. Little did I know the impact these amazing Artists would have in my life. And I dare say that I have made what I believe to be lifelong friends. Who can understand an Artists Heart better than another Artist? No one. The impact these women have made on me is beyond words and like most Artists, can sometimes only be expressed through their Art.

So that's what we have decided to do. Express ourselves through our Art. A group of us from this class, have decided to have a "Blog Hop" with the theme "Spreading your Wings". At the bottom of this post there will be a list of blogs connecting you to of some of the most Talented and Giving artists I have ever had the pleasure to know. We have each Created a Piece of Art that is inspired by our experience in the class, and in the Flying Lessons group.

This is what I felt compelled to Create.....

I am so thankful to Kelly Rae and to this wonderful Group of Artists, for helping me open this door. For giving me the tools and confidence to step through the doorway, and leap fearlessly. For helping me to feel free to create, and dream, and to hope..... and Spread my Wings to reach all the possibilities that are out there. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for helping me to see daily, that an Art filled life is possible, that living your Dreams is possible. That Spreading your Wings and Flying Higher than you ever thought you could, is possible.....

I encourage you to visit their blogs which are listed below. I KNOW you will be amazed and touched at the beauty that they have created. I know this because, everyday I have the privilege of seeing their Art. And it is not something you want to miss....

If you like what you see, don’t forget to subscribe, like and follow us!!!

Amaranthine Violet: http://magic-gypsy.blogspot.com/

Amy Hillenbrand: http://amyhillenbrand.blogspot.com

Beatriz Peñas B.: http://beatrizbepe.blogspot.com/

Beth Cougler Blom: http://sobliss.wordpress.com/

Carmen Patti: http://carmenpattistudio.com/wordpress/

Carol Bray: http://theredpaintedcottage.blogspot.com

Christina Fajardo: http://christinafajardo.blogspot.com/

Cindy Jones Lantier: http://www.lantier.org

Connie Rawlins : http://www.dabblinginlife.blogspot.com/

Dana Brock: http://www.dzynbydana.blogspot.com

Deborah Velásquez : http://deborahvelasquez.blogspot.com

Elissa Brown: http://thefreckledarmy.blogspot.com

Hillary Courson: http://www.hillarycourson.com

Jacquie Williamson: http://www.jacquiewilliamson.blogspot.com/

Jane Paynting: http://inkspiredwings.wordpress.com

Janet Forrest: http://tatterednworn.wordpress.com/

Jennifer DeVille: http://jenniferdeville.com/blog/

Jill Lambert : http://www.jill-lambert.blogspot.com/
Julie Hamilton: http://spaark.wordpress.com

Kanchan Mahon: http://Kanchan-Mahon.blogspot.com/

Karen Claverie: http://giddyupletsride.blogspot.com

Kari DeSaulnier: http://karidesi.blogspot.com/
Kathleen Conard : http://newfromoldcreations.blogspot.com/

Kathleen McKinnon: http://harmonyschoolhouse.com/expressions-blog.html

Kathy May: http://kathymaydesigns.org

Kelly Corso: http://birdinatreecreations.blogspot.com/

Kelly Hoernig: http://www.kellyhoernig.blogspot.com/

Kim Hyer: http://www.apaperaddict.com/

Kris Lanae Binsfeld: http://cherishdesigns.wordpress.com

Lenore Angela: http://www.lenoreangela.blogspot.com/

Linda Barutha: http://lindabaruthadesigns.blogspot.com

Lisa Michele Products:http://www.lisamicheleproducts.blogspot.com/

Liza Zeni Baker: http://lizazeni.wordpress.com/

Lynn Richards: http://alittlebluesky.blogspot.com

Lori Leissner: http://leissnerart.blogspot.com

Lori Moon: http://lorimoonstudio.blogspot.com

Mary Cottingham: http://www.barnbugstudio.blogspot.com/

Mary Sterk: http://justmarydesigns.wordpress.com

Megan Schmitt: http://www.schmittenwithwords.blogspot.com/

Melanie Douthit: http://www.douthitgallery.blogspot.com

Michelle Dwyer: http://www.magnetisedbylife.com/

Michelle Reynolds: http://shellsinthebush.blogspot.com/

Rachél Payne (Rae): http://collectingyourself.wordpress.com/

Rain Hannah: http://honeyandollie.com/

Rhiannon Connelly: http://www.starrybluesky.wordpress.com

Ruth-Mary Smith: http://patchworkfamilieshub.blogspot.com

Sherry Richert Belul:http://simplycelebrate.net/cherry-blossom-soup

Shirley Ann: http://leonardarenaissancewoman.blogspot.com/

Stacey ChadwickBrown: http://staceybrownarts.blogspot.com/

Susan M. Walls-Beverly:http://www.susanscharmingtrinkets.blogspot.com

Teresa Cash-Czech: http://www.asmilemaker.com/

Tina Carlborg: http://www.tinachicky.blogspot.com/

Tonya Love: http://passport2creativity.com/
Ursula Smith: http://www.EasyScraps.com/blog

Zulma Cadena: http://edustory.wordpress.com/

Mary Cottingham http://www.barnbugstudio.blogspot.com

Special Thanks to Michelle Reynolds for the use of her artwork (http://shellsinthebush.blogspot.com/)! For more info on classes by Kelly Rae Roberts visit www.kellyraeroberts.com or check out her new Hello Soul. Hello Business. http://kellyraeroberts.com/hello-soul-hello-business.
Thanks for hopping with us! <3 Kelley

cone of shame.....

2011-10-18T18:34:00.000-04:00

It been awhile since Ive posted here. Not good..I know. But its hard to post when you arent feeling particularly hopeful, or optimistic. But its where I am right now, and I have recently mentioned that I want to use this blog to keep account of my journey, both the good, the bad, and the in-between. So here goes....

I am going to tell you story about a dog I once owned named Mabel. It is not about the Art I make. But it informs at every level the Art I make, because this last week I had an A-Ha moment while in counseling. That moment oddly enough, led me to compare my current view of life, to something my Dog went through. So please indulge me, and stay with the story. I promise it will make sense in the end.

I used to have the sweetest little dog. Her name was Mabel. She was a 22 lb. Black and White Cocker Spaniel. When she came to live with us it was estimated she was about 6 years old. We found her at a local pet rescue, and it was love at first sight. At first we thought perhaps she wasnt very smart, because she wouldnt respond to simple commands. Turns out she had lived with a Spanish speaking family for most of her life. We figured this out because we had some Spanish speaking family members, and one day we asked for them to call her and give her a simple command. She immediatley came to them and sat at their feet. But she quivered with fear as she obeyed. Somewhere along the way she had been abused. She showed other signs of this as well. She never barked..ever. She never was destructive (we wont talk about the whole bag of hot dog buns she so proudly ate, or the whole bag of foil wrapped candy that she consumed). She never demanded anything. She just gave us love. Pure unconditional Love. She was also a bit deaf, had sad little growths all over her body, and was a bit stinky....well very stinky. But we loved her anyway. She was just a walking pile of fur shaped love. Over time many of her little growths became bigger growths, and we had to have them removed. (sadly those little growths turned inward and ravaged her little body and took her from us far too soon) The Vet removed 11 growths from her tiny little body. When she came home she had "The Cone of Shame." As I do not have a picture of Mable in her Cone I will take the liberty here and post one of Doug.

If any of you saw the movie "UP", then you will remember "Doug", and his "Cone of Shame." And just a side note here.....This is one of the best movies EVER, and a must see. It will warm your heart for sure. Okay back to our story now....

Mabel was paralyzed by that Cone. Where I lived at the time, there were steps down to the backyard. She had to go through the back door and take those steps to go to do a basic life function. Because of the Cone, She wouldnt go through the door and she wouldnt go down the steps. She would try and take that first step, but because she couldnt see where she was going, and because that dang cone kept hitting the door frame, she would back up, and just sit there looking at me with those pitiful Cocker eyes. She would sit there until I picked her up and put her on the grass. She would do her business and when she was finished, because the Cone was obscuring her view, she would just sit right back down, paralyzed to move in any direction, Of course as her loving and dutiful owner, I picked her up and put her back in the house. Let me just say....22lbs, while a small dog, is not an easy amount to lift..especially when there is a cumbersome Cone involved. But I did it anyway, because I loved her.

The solution to our problem here was to make the cone small enough so she had more control over what she saw, but still couldnt lick her wounds. So we got out the scissors and incrementally made it smaller. And slowly but surely Mabel had her mobility back, and her wounds were also able to heal.

I too am wearing a figurative "Cone of Shame". In the past few years I have made some horrible mistakes and made horrible decisions, and consequently, have found my self in a horrible situation. Those are my sad little growths all over my body, my soul. Although these growths are by my own doing. I feel immense shame over this. I find myself sitting at that doorway, needing to take care of my basic life business, unable to go through the door, or go down the steps. Im paralyzed because the Cone is obscuring my view.
While the cone has maybe helped me focus inward and help me to realize what it is I have to let heal. Im at the place where its time to start snipping away at the shame. So day by day, little by little, I have taken out the scissors and incrementally made that cone just a little bit smaller. I do that by Creating Art. I do that by talking to someone I trust. I do that by reaching out to a Community that gets me. I do that by writing it down and sharing the journey.

Snip, snip, snip....

Thank You Sweet Miss Mable, for teaching me life lessons, even long after you have gone....I miss you everyday <3

mostly i love her heart....

2011-09-26T19:19:00.000-04:00

I don't want this blog to be about sad things. Or bad things. Or things that are unpleasant. But sometimes bad things happen. I want to be able to document how I cope with the bad and sad, so that when I get to the other side, I will see that I've triumphed, that I got through it, and that I'm stronger because of it.

Some may know, some may not...but I was injured 5 years ago at work. My life has never been the same. I have made some very bad decisions over the course of my healing. As a result I find myself in a place thats hard....very, very hard. I get depressed because of this. And this isn't the kind of depression that just goes away with a good nights sleep. It's the kind that lingers, that takes a hold and wont let go.

But as an artist, its important to get inspired, to stay inspired. That's a hard thing to do when you're depressed and there is no joy to be found.

That's where my Daughter comes in. She's the best thing I will have ever done, or ever do. Perhaps someday I will share the story of how she came to be with me. Because it was a truly a miracle...."A God Thing".

The other night we were texting, and she said she had a little video to send to me that her boyfriend had taken. The video didn't work, but I could hear the sound from it. It was her laughing, and laughing, and laughing. It warmed my heart, and gave me so joy. I just kept replaying and replaying it.

And it made me want to paint. Underneath the painting is a letter to her...a letter that lists all the things I love about her....

Her laugh
Her freckles
Her curly hair
Her friendliness

But mostly I love her heart....

Love you LB, Mommy xo

white butterflies.....

2011-09-16T03:50:00.000-04:00

I painted this for my dear friend Cindy. This is the type of friend that when everyone else walks away, she doesn't, she hasn't. When everyone else doesn't know what to say, she does. She has seen me at my best, and my worst. My skinniest and my heaviest. My strongest and my weakest. She is one of those friends that at the end of your life, will be standing right there beside you. Unconditional Love at it's best. We are thousands of miles away from each other right now, but in my heart she is as close as can be.

Her mom has been gone for 10 years now. She recently (and shockingly...lol) posted on facebook that she and her daughter wanted to each get a discreet tattoo of a white butterfly (which she has since done). I got a tattoo a few years back, which she appreciated, but didn't feel was for her. She would just say, "ohhh, no, no, no, no, that's okay...... So I never, ever thought I would see the day Cindy got one. So of course I had to know the details. She elaborated a bit and told me that when the white butterflies come around, which they had often done this past summer, they feel they are being comforted by their “grammy”, who is sending down a light from heaven. I was so touched and inspired by that, I felt compelled to create this art for her. You know when something just flows out of you..so easy, so pure. That was this piece. There is nothing more heart warming than painting for someone you love. Couple that with the knowledge that they will treasure what you have made, as much as you treasure their friendship. There are few things in this life that make me feel more alive.....
Love you Cynthia Diane…..Kelley Rae xo